Tag: Drinking

  • The Lonesome Diaries vol. 2

    The Lonesome Diaries vol. 2

    Food Writer Blues

    A hole between two donuts

    I never intended to be a food writer. It just kind of happened.

    For 10 years I wrote about bands and reviewed shows and albums back in San Francisco. All of that came to a screeching halt when I moved to Tucson. Sure we get shows here but not enough to continue my tenure with some of the publications that I was contributing to.

    Although I did land a temporary gig with an alternative newspaper that folded maybe two articles of mine in. The big one being an interview and show review with Richard Marx. Yes, that Richard Marx. The 80s guy with the then legendary fluff mullet.

    He was great. We got along so famously that he wanted to take the wife and me with him on his tour. Kinda “Almost Famous” like. His tour manager was not having it.

    Not my finest moment

    So I just kind of languished with here and there jobs, scribbling in notebooks, typing the occasional story.

    Then, it hit me. The Sonoran Hot Dog.

    After consuming my fair share of that bean and mayo filled glizzy vestibule I knew that I wanted to write about it. So I did. Now what?

    Not too sure of the exact date but I started my blog, The Tucson Homeskillet, somewhere between the timelines of 2008-10. It was a simple little scrolly thing. I’d post now and then with no real intention of doing much with it.

    That is until 2014.

    That year was rough, chock full of family deaths. First my dad’s husband died, then my dad died less than a month later. Then my wife’s grandfather died. About a month after we had to put the dog down post having a stroke. About a week after him we found the cat half devoured by coyotes in the back brush.

    I was barely at work that year. My depression and anxiety really got on top of me. So I needed a distraction.

    How it all began

    In early 2015 I gave the Homeskillet a facelift. Cleaned it up, made it more legit and dedicated that I would contribute at least once a week, 1000 words, a dozen photos each. It worked and it kind of took off.

    One day I got an email. It was from the assistant editor from the Tucson Weekly. At the time their food writer was a mess and generally hated by most. She was a food writer living in Tucson that hated both food and Tucson. That editor liked my blog enough and asked if I wanted to meet with the managing editor to see if I’d be a good fit. I of course said yes.

    The managing editor and I hit it off a little too easily. I pitched her some ideas, she liked them and before you knew it I was now the food writer for the Weekly.

    That’s when things actually began to take off for me. Sort of.

    Oh how I miss doing stuff like this

    This was my first excursion into public scrutiny. The comments in my first year were brutal. “This new guys sucks”, “Bring back the old food writer”, “Who is this guy?”, etc. I even managed a regular hater. Going by the handle of HumanBean, this person would dismiss almost every feature I produced. It went on for quite some time until it got so bad that other commenters commented back to them (after I gained their trust and some followers) and eventually HumanBean just kind of disappeared.

    Things went okay and pretty smooth for the next couple of years. Because of the Weekly I was now invited to judge culinary and cocktail competitions, be present at the Tucson Iron Chef finales, free admission to all sorts of food and beer festivals – it was cool.

    Perks of the job

    That is until 2020 hit.

    My last article went up in January of that year which had been pushed back by at least a month. Unbeknownst to me the Weekly was beginning to transition into a different format as they and countless other weekly newspapers were getting devoured by a Los Angeles based publishing house. That article, about a soul food restaurant inside a liquor store by the university, closed over the holidays. I had no idea; I was too busy working on other features. That’s when my editor told me that I was on an undisclosed hiatus as they ‘figure things out’. Then Covid hit and I was then officially let go.

    With no print country to call home, along with my wife’s restaurant shutting down, I took an emergency job with Total Wine. During that time I refurbished the old Tucson Homeskillet and began writing about businesses that were doing curbside service, opening but with serious social distancing, stuff like that.

    That’s when I noticed a locally popular food site was being managed by literally one person. Seeing as I had little to do other than work at Total Wine and occasionally post on the Homeskillet, along with taking care of my wife and our cat, I asked if he needed any help.

    Months went by but one day I got an email from a guy saying he is the new owner of said food site and was curious if I wanted to contribute. After a meeting at our local pub, we all seemed to be on the same page and before long I was writing for them.

    Then things really took off.

    An extremely rare selfie

    Man I was so busy writing for them, going to events, meetings, tastings, private dinners, restaurant previews and, yes, judging competitions again that I thought I was their head writer and a big part of the team. Heck they even let me do a food truck event sponsored by them, which went over really well.

    Thing is, after about a year being with them, I felt as if things were a little…off.

    It first came when they announced that there was going to be a staff meeting over Asana. When I saw it I asked when and where. My phone rang about ten minutes later.

    It was the COO of the site and she had a message for me.

    “Mark the meeting is for core staff only.”

    On the invite list were other random “core staff” including two photographers they sometimes used and a new hire who did…something. And here I thought I was the head writer, turning in at least 2 articles a week, 1,500 words each. With photos. That I took!

    Okay. That hurt a bit, but, whatever.

    More perks of the job

    The other was my anxiety. It was going off the rails.

    Most days, if not every day, I was glued to my phone, trying to find the new cool food truck, trying to keep in contact with chefs, restaurant and bar owners, seeing what long standing eatery was celebrating an anniversary or which was shutting down. Heck I even had access to a map via the county that had all of the new trucks, bars, places, etc that recently passed their health inspection and were set to open soon. Any opportunity on days off, slow times at the day job or whenever, I was thumbing my way into screen time madness.

    Not to mention, but I always felt not really part of the team. I was older, weirder, looked like I actually ate and drank (most on the team were pretty thin) and definitely not a shmoozy hipster. When I arrived for any function I was welcomed, made them laugh, with this hovering feeling that they were all “Who’s this old guy?”

    In fact, my anxiety got so bad that my wife rented us an emergency Airbnb. We’d sit by the pool, not stare at our phones, get takeout, sleep late and try to relax.

    Day one at the Airbnb my phone rang. It was the COO. Again.

    This time she was saying that they were “moving in a new direction” (that old noodle), rethinking their brand while trying to get their finances in order. That last one did not surprise me at all.

    Several times with them they skipped a paycheck. Once while the wife and I were road tripping and I kind of needed that check for gas money. So getting rid of me meant more cash for them.

    And that was that. So now what?

    The answer is pretty obvious: it is time to move on!

    I now have this handy dandy website, a lot of ideas and so much fun stuff to write about. Of course I’ll be covering food, duh, but there is a lot more that needs your and my attention. So stay tuned.

    And thanks for reading my stuff.

    Cheers!

  • The Lonesome Diaries, vol. 1

    The Lonesome Diaries, vol. 1

    My relationship with alcohol

    Notice how I didn’t use the word “problem” when describing my drinking. Its been a relationship. Sometimes it’s fun and in control, other moments its dark and complete chaos. There are and were stages where I don’t even want to get involved – don’t need it, not in the mood. Then it can flip and it’ll be all I can think about that day. Oh boy, the minute I clock out I’m hittin’ the bar and hittin’ the sauce. Heck I have tomorrow off…shots all around!

    Funny thing is, I never intended to be a drinker. Heavy, light, special occasions, weekend warrior. None of it.

    Because the first time I got drunk I was almost 22.

    Growing up, I was never surrounded by drinkers. My dad would have the occasional beer or glass of wine, but he preferred to take a few hits off a joint here and there. It was that old 60s mentality. Couple of puffs, watch some TV, have dinner, put me to bed then it was his turn for sleep.

    My mom though went through a phase, especially post-divorce, where she would pour brandy into her morning coffee. I just thought it was some kind of flavored syrup, which I guess it kind of is. But just like my dad, she smoked more weed that consumed booze.

    Both my parents though, their consumption never got out of control. There was no abuse, no problems, nothing. It was there though. In moderation.

    Maybe it was because my dad was so open about most issues that drinking never really seemed interesting to me. It was like cigarettes. Blecch. That smell was just so gross to me and I never grasped the concept. Thank jeebus. To this day, at age 54, I have never smoked a cigarette. Although I did go through a decades long stoner phase. But that’s different. Yep, never smoked an actual cigarette. Its true.  

    In my early teen years I discovered punk bands such as 7Seconds, Minor Threat, Attitude Adjustment, which all went by the “straight edge” credo. As a semi active skateboarder and very active D&D player, not getting all fxxked up appealed to me on a very deep level. A lot of my friends at that time started smoking, getting wasted on the weekends, and I would watch them make total asses of themselves. Yeah I don’t need that. After I level up my fighter/magic user I’m going to skate home and leave you drunk idiots behind.

    This went on even when I turned 21. No desire to drink. Drunk people looked and acted like complete fools to me. Although I will say the appeal of bars was always a pull.

    Growing up in Glendale, CA I often passed by what some would call “Bukowski bars” where there was always music playing, people laughing in a darkly lit room, they always had this dangerously curious alure to me. Plus when my dad and I went out to eat he would always prefer to sit in the bar or cantina area where he could smoke and enjoy his rare pint or two of beer.

    In fact, when I turned 21 I bought a bottle of wine for my then 19 year old girlfriend who then went off to college and immediately broke up with me. She drank from that bottle. Not me.

    The girl I dated after her was someone I got very smitten with. An aspiring singer, always wore red lipstick, bit of a hipster who managed a place called The Sock Shop, where they sold, exclusively, yep…socks. We lasted a little over a year when she up and decided to move to Austin, TX to try and become an alt-country singer. Go figure. Anyway I was quite heartbroken. It was then that my pal Richard suggested we get some beers and champagne, go back to his apartment and get loaded to help ease the pain. I really didn’t want to but he was buying and I was sad and bored. And a bit curious.

    No idea what brand of crap beer it was but that first pull I took of it hit me like the first kiss from my last girlfriend. I’m sorry, I’m just hurting here, I’ll move on.

    Anyway, by my second beer I was starting to feel good. Like really good. I’ve always been open about my depression but, man, did all of that disappear. Suddenly his crappy apartment looked good. Organized and comfortable even. Then his roommate showed up with some of his coworkers from this semi fancy Italian restaurant and they brought booze. This then turned into an impromptu party. More beer, shots of whatever, sips of champagne, I was feeling fantastic.

    Cut to hours later and the flat had gone silent with some people who have gone home to others just straight passed out. Not me though. As the sun came up I was playing Richard’s collection of hardcore punk and clunk metal, enjoying another beverage of some distilled kind.

    Drinking was fun. I had no idea.

    At the time it was nothing I really sought after. Most nights were sober. I was doing a lot of theater and usually headed home after a show to clean up and play video games till I fell asleep.

    Then I met another girl.

    This one was a server in our local coffee shop and was the love target of most, if not all of my guy friends. We became instant besties and hung out as such. When she said she was moving to Santa Barbara to study art she asked if I wanted to come along so we could be roommates. At this time my dad was barely at home as he had met his would be future husband and he was usually over at his house. Taking that as a nod to move on I said sure.

    Then our friendship went a bit further. If you know what I mean.

    Our house hunting went from 2 bedrooms to 1 very quickly. Yeah. We were young and, yes, usually drunk.

    She came from that era of high school parties where the beer flowed like wine. When my dad wasn’t around we were usually in the kitchen blending up Melon Balls, a mix of melon Midori, vodka and orange juice. Ugh. Just typing that made me nauseous.

    The three years in Santa Barbara went by very fast. Mainly because I partied the whole time. When my 2 dads moved from Monterey to Palm Springs I would make regular road trips to visit them. Wanna get real loaded real fast for kinda cheap? Go to gay bars. My guys would stock me up with scotch and cocktails that could fuel a panzer. Same went for this gay bar in Santa Barbara. It was called the Gold Coast and every Sunday they would have a beer bust, $5 all you can drink beer. Mind you it was like Bud Lite and Coors but, still. In fact it was at the Gold Coast where I actually passed out in the gutter once.

    Some guys had come back from New York for Wigstock and were so excited they kept buying us broke students (and me, a non-student) Cum Shots, which is a combo of creamy rum and whiskey. With those shots and all that beer I went outside to orally purge it all and after I did I passed out on the sidewalk and somehow rolled into the gutter. Yep. That was me around 24. I’m sure my parents would be proud if they were still around.

    After Santa Barbara we moved to San Francisco and eventually broke up.

    San Francisco for me was a sort of ‘best of times, worst of times’. There was always so much to do but if you didn’t have the money to do so you ended up not doing much. Besides drinking.

    My depression really took off here and thanks to my pal alcohol I was able to get through a lot of it. Here’s the thing; I am a very smart guy, I knew what I was doing to myself, but when you come home to a roommate filled pad and pennies to your name I tended to stay inebriated and watch reruns in my room. Yeah I had good times, a lot of them, but the booze was always there and oftentimes it was a total impediment. How many times would I have to leave a show or party or whatever because I got too drunk? Too many. My anxiety would get completely thwarted by the drink to the point where I just passed out. Sucks.

    Luckily in 2005 I met my future wife and in 2006 I moved blindly to Tucson AZ, my home still today. It was here that I found more meaning and solace so oftentimes I could go through mass periods of time not drinking.

    Then there were times when I couldn’t stop.

    My almost 7 years with the public library really pushed my limits of how I could handle the general public. Most days were filled with crushing boredom or dealing with mentally ill patrons that would sometimes scream at me or call me names for no reason. Showing up hungover at times meant I had something other to do; just get through it.

    My mental health, especially in my middle age, trips and falls a bit more these days and when it does, so do I. Sure alcohol is labeled a ‘depressant’ but for those that suffer from depression its more of an excitant. Or at least an obscurer.  

    Now in my 50s I hold the ability to keep the drinking at a sane level, mainly because I’m kind of bored with it. Looking back I don’t regret ever taking that first drink at my friend’s house but I do regret the way I let it get on top of me way too many times for way too long.

    Just thinking about the old “straight edge” Mark gives me pause to fragments of shame. What happened to that kid? That goofy little boy and teenager that had nothing to do with booze for over 2 decades but who let it in and let it stay and play for more than a comfortable while.

    In this time of semi-retirement and not really bringing in any real money the urge to drown now and then tickles in me like a tiny rock rolling in your shoe. What keeps it at bay is that being 54 means the next day after a few means getting up veeeery slow and not doing much. Quite the difference from being in my 20s or 30s where I would sprint awake, go to a job and then repeat the process with youthful zeal.

    These days I have a wife and cat to take care of, a house to maintain, a blog to write, a garden to tend to, projects to finish, things to bake – all of which would get pushed aside if I embraced the Bukowski bar days of my past. Not proud of that habit but there is also nothing I can do about it now.

    Outside of knowing when to say when. Which I do.

    For the most part.

    Yeah occasionally you can find me at our local bar and if you do pull up a stool and let’s clink glasses. Just know that I’m going home after this one. Unless you’re buying. Then maybe one more.

    Maybe. Cheers!


    The Lonesome Diaries is a collection of stories in my time of semi retirement and house husbandry in a small dimly lit desert cottage with a cat as my only day companion.

  • The Savor culinary festival: good food, good drinks, good times

    The Savor culinary festival: good food, good drinks, good times

    Since 2017, I have been fortunate enough to attend the annual bacchanalia of eating and drinking. It is a festival filled with overall merriment. This is the Savor Festival.

    Savor is held every late January at the Tucson Botanical Gardens. It is a celebration of not just food and drink, but also of art and sense of community.

    Sponsored by SAACA (Southern Arizona Arts & Cultural Alliance), Savor is an all-day event that pleases, and even teases, almost all senses. Everyone should experience it at least once. Trust me here.

    Here are some highlights of this year’s Savor!

    …or at least what we got our hungry hands on.

    Plenty of good food at every corner
    Spicy lamb meatballs from Dante’s Fire
    Chef Maria Mazon of Boca Tacos, always a good sport

    This year was special for me because it was the first Savor I got to experience with my wife. We were gifted two VIP tickets and she got to experience a little bit of what I do as a freelance writer, food being the main objective here.

    She was a bit overwhelmed. There are so many food vendors from all over Southern Arizona that she got a bit spun from the array of plated goodness. These range from high-end, chef-driven white coat kitchens to your local mobile comfort grub units. And everything in-between.

    This was the first year I noticed a large influx of catering services. That was really nice to see. Post 2020 really wrangled those willing to serve the masses en mass and all of their offerings were extremely delightful.

    Cookinwitcort had the best mac n’ cheese I have had in quite a while
    The chefs at Cielos Kitchen dishing up the goodness
    Pazole and smoked meat madness

    Live music permeates throughout, including a mariachi outfit serenading us all in line waiting to get in. DJs keeping it lively boomed various alcoves, one of which was playing 70s AM gold (aka Yacht Rock) syncopated to lively dance beats. Very clever.

    Not to mention artists set up and painting, sculpting, cartooning right in front of our vary eyes all throughout the grounds.

    Vineyards and breweries had tables set up with samples of their heady wares. I, of course, if you know me, enjoy a drink now and then. Usually now. But that drink(s) is normally set around the proper happy hour hour. So, the wife and I meandered the festival in full clarity that afternoon. Having been to a few Savors before and sometimes not getting there til late afternoon, the wine and craft beer sipping crowd were dizzy in a fuzzy smiling wonder, which always makes for a welcome chuckling spectacle.

    Real artists making real art in the gardens
    I’m getting the meat sweats just thinking about this
    Let’s see, stout or red ale…uh, yes please

    Here are some tips for those that plan to attend Savor in the future:

    1. Go big and go VIP. If you are lucky enough to be gifted a VIP ticket, or as I have as a member of the press, that extra cash you spend goes a long way. You get in an hour early, there is always plenty of food, plenty of hooch, plenty of room and when they open the flood gates at noon for the cheap seats you’ll be glad you stretched your festival going budget by a few threads.
    2. DO NOT TRY TO PARK IN THE BOTANICAL GARDENS PARKING AREA! Every year I see the poor souls that have to tell people that this is a huge event and the tight parking that is normally available is filled with tents and trucks constantly loading in and loading out. The best and closest parking is right up a ways at Grant and Alvernon in the Vasa mega gym lot. Like I said, get that VIP and you get parking.
    3. Pace yourself. There is so much to eat, drink, sink in and do that if you storm the flowery gates of the gardens with stomach and liver a blazin’, you might burn out too quick. Stay a while. Have a bite now and then. Take a sip here and there. Dance some of it off. But remember to stay hydrated. Luckily there are large tubs of bottled water everywhere, provided free for your benefit. Thank you SAACA!
    I’m just going to call this cups of joy
    Smiles everyone, smiles
    Davia of Purple Tree Acai gives her approval

    Best thing is, outside of all things edible and quaffable, you’re at the Tucson Botanical Gardens! You can totally tour the butterfly pavilion. If the crowds are closing in on you, step aside and take a path walk to admire the beautiful local flora. Sit and watch the hummingbirds and bees do their thing. Heck there’s even a whole space set up with train tracks and miniature structural landmarks built to scale by students of architecture. So very cool.

    Do yourself a favor and check out Savor. Shake off the post holiday blues by stuffing yourself silly and running into a friend or two. If you play your social cards right, you might even make a few new ones.

    Cheers!

    A beautiful day for a beautiful event

    Words and Pictures

    Mark Whittaker, late January 2025

    yeahwritemark@gmail.com

    Please visit:

    https://www.saaca.org/

    https://tucsonbotanical.org/